In the last few weeks, i have been dealing with a rollercaster of emotions and trying to juggle my multifacted life - which includes being a mother to three happy, healthy and active children. What is important is that i finally embraced going to therapy fulltime. As a Nigerian and a christian, this took me a while to come to terms with how much help therapy could offer me in my fight to hold my life together in a world with triggers scattered all over the place. Therapy is a very big word that can mean many things but for the purpose of this article, therapy means speaking with a licensed counsellor or a psychologist - like booking a session with a therapist.
As i mentioned in an earlier article, doing PhD can feel like a quagmire, you struggle between imposter syndrome, happiness, regrets. Somedays, it seeems like you have it all together and you could change the world with your research when you are high on your ideas, other times, you wake up and it feels like you cannot explain what you are up to. In those dark moments, that is when you need to consider therapy - because in your most vulnerable state, the hard truths find thier way out and then, what is left is how you can make the best of it going forward.
As a Nigerian, you are wired to rely on religion to fix many things, if not everything in your life. In its extreme form, you end up living a bubble where logic is suspended and you shut yourself out from recieveing help from people who are more knowledgeable in dealing with specific issues. In that environment with the difficult state of things, you start to think that God is everything in a way that you can not draw the line that blurs your thinking as God being a magician. You start to imagine how things can be easy; you are easily distracted, find a short cut or become invested in irrelevant things that can take your mind a way from actually dealing with the elephant in the room. You want to escape your reality. You want a quick fix. Hard things are hard.
The supernatural God can fix everything, so you literally want him to come down from heaven and fix all your mess (you cowardly ignore the place of your own responsbility). You fast and pray but nothing seems to be working. You line up all those positive confession; listen to specific preachers over and over but it is not helping. You fear that seeking help from the right humans could mean you are undermining the power of God....so you keep up with that cycle and your life is locked in an unhealthy repeat mode while your mental health suffer.
I guess leaving Nigeria as an adult offered me some deep desperately needed enlightenment about life and living where my mind and my lens through which i see this world became free from the stronghold of magical religious thinking. That maybe, church attendance could be a chore if i am not clearly defining my spirirtual journey. It took me time but i finally realized the kind of devotion to God, i wanted to practice as against what i had grown into, living in Nigeria. That maybe, there is something you can describe as "the madness of religion". Yes, there is something actually called "Nigerian Brand of Christianity".
I have grown to see things for what they actually are based on hard facts, not blinded by emotion in reasoning about situations and being clear about what exactly is in front of me. To question what you have heard and been told all your life as "The Truth". I now have hightened sense of critically analyzing things, i am more open to embracing life and enjoying the fullness of my existence. I am gradually weaning myself of high carbs Nigerian meals. I tend to read more outside my usual genre, topics and i explore more. Hence, when i hit that brickwall with flashes of finally giving it all up, i was tired, tired!! I just knew it was time for therapy. I knew it was time to ask for help.
I have tried various activities such as reading certain books, engaging in crafting and cooking, binge-watching TV shows, shopping (it does not help being broke), gym membership and endlessly scrolling through social media in an attempt to improve my mood. However, the temporary sense of satisfaction from these activities only lasts for a short while. It is not quite like therapy. The thing about going to therapy is that i could vent how i felt to someone who has no emotional attachment to me which is different to venting to a spouse, a friend, a sibling, a parent, a relative or even a colleague.
In fact, i would argue that your religuous leader should not be your therapist, there is so much they can do for you when you go and share some of your struggles with them. Like your family members, friends and other acquaintance, there may be some emotional attachment which could blur thier judgement about issues. In a therapist, you have someone who is trained to seperate issues and help you think clearly about what you actually need compared to what you think you need or what you want to need. In your vulnerable state, you can hear the hard truth which is critical for taking productive steps to get better.
As this Paragrapgh from the WHO website states;
In 2019, close to one billion individuals, which included 14% of the global adolescent population, were experiencing a mental disorder. Suicide was responsible for over 1% of deaths, with 58% occurring before the age of 50. Mental disorders were the primary cause of disability, accounting for 1 out of every 6 years lived with a disability. Those with severe mental health conditions typically passed away 10 to 20 years earlier than the general population, often due to preventable physical illnesses. Childhood sexual abuse and bullying were significant contributors to depression. Global threats to mental health included social and economic disparities, public health crises, warfare, and climate change. Additionally, depression and anxiety rose by over 25% in the initial year of the pandemic.
I would say, with the present global mental health pandemic, more people need therapy than they realize. Hence, many organizations and institutions are being encouraged to invest in mental health just as they would in Equity, Diversity, Inclusion and Anti-Racism (EDIAR) because the more healthy people you have around you, the more postively productive your environment would be. If someone is not ignoring the overwhelming evidence, it might be beneficial to consider seeking therapy. Opting for therapy does not equate to disregarding your faith in God. Instead, it involves actively seeking assistance alongside your prayers. I cannot emphasize enough how therapy has been beneficial for me, especially in understanding the reasons behind my need for a Dietitian appointment to assist with my diet during my weight loss journey. Dealing with depression led me to seek solace in consuming excessive amounts of sugar and carbs.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are facing challenges, triggered about things when it seems you are drowning - no one seems to hear your scream (or they think you are a mad person for over reacting) and grappling with conflicting religious beliefs about seeking therapy, I recommend that you consider going for therapy. What do you have to lose? Numerous community organizations and institutions provide complimentary support services, and I urge you to take advantage of the opportunity to seek assistance with a counsellor, a psychologist rather than suffering in silence or confiding in individuals who may not be able to offer practical help, regardless of how empathetic they may be. It is crucial to seek the appropriate support when it is available, while you still can.
There is something called therapy and it can literally save your life. Please, try therapy today!